Whipping Common Sexual Worries

Contributed by Sarah Fielding, Lavalife

Sex should be liberating and exhilarating, the one time in our day when worries melt away and we focus, completely if briefly, on feeling good.

So why is it that so many of us spend so much time worrying about everything from size to smells when it comes to our sexual performance instead of revelling in the spontaneity, joy and passion of our encounters?

Maybe a reality check is in order. Here are some of the more common sexual worries -- and reasons why you should enjoy yourself more and worry less.

Size

Men around the globe suffer from feelings of inadequacy about the size of their members. Porn films do little to bolster flaccid egos, with depictions of Super CocksTM bobbing sturdily across cheap film sets. It is little wonder most men feel, shall we say, petite by comparison. But guys, most women agree, a big dick means nothing if you have a small brain, and the best sex comes from an adequately endowed fellow (remember the average size penis measures roughly six inches when erect), with good technique and, above all, a willingness to learn, experiment and have fun. So perhaps, size does matter after all -- but it's the size of the ego not the penis that counts for top sexual performance. And in this case, smaller is definitely better.

Shape

Porn films have done little for women's body image either -- unattainably large breasts, surgically enhanced genitals -- it's enough to make any normal woman want to do it with the lights out. But why should we? The best way to stave off feelings of shape anxiety (lumpy bums, sagging boobs, double chins, whatever) is to embrace our unique bodily differences. If guys really wanted to have sex with women that were a perfect size 10, with no cellulite and perfectly applied makeup, they could pop along to a sex shop and buy themselves a nice anatomically correct doll. But they don't. They want a real-life, real proportioned woman, squishy bits and all. And if they find one who's happy and body-confident to boot, they know they are in for some good loving.

Smells

Our Elizabethan ancestors had no running water and used to dust themselves with powder and all manner of scent to camouflage the fact that they hadn't bathed in weeks. If this is you, then yes, you will have something to worry about when it comes to less than fragrant scents emanating from the genital region. But if you, like most regular folks, manage to shower or bathe at least once a day, your natural body odours are unlikely to be offensive to anyone but those with an extremely sensitive schnoz. Still not convinced that a trip Down Under will be anything other a delightful interlude through a perfectly fragrant meadow? Suggest that your partner joins you for a hot and steamy shower or scented bath as a prelude to sexual activity. Or introduce a little scented massage oil or flavoured lubricant (water-based, of course) to your lovemaking, to help sweeten the flesh. It's time to banish your body odor paranoia -- and get thee to the boudoir!

Sounds

Unwanted sounds can be an embarrassing by-product of sex. How you handle these emanations is key to overcoming your anxiety. Guys, so you let one rip at a crucial moment? Oh well, such is life. Don't make a fuss about the sonic boom that has just rocked the room. Simply put your head down and get back to the business at hand. You can laugh about it later.

Indeed, according to a recent Lavalife poll of more than 10,000 respondents, 70 per cent of men and 74 per cent of women said the best way to overcome a sexual snafu was to laugh about it.

And, ladies, sometimes during the heat of passion, air can enter the vagina and make all sorts of entertaining noises during intercourse. These sounds are completely natural and happen to lots of women. If these sounds bother you, try switching positions (though not doggy-style, as this can introduce more air to the vagina). You could also opt for more shallow penetration, and ask your partner to try not removing the penis entirely between thrusts, as this can increase your noise producing capabilities. Keeping your pelvic floor muscles in top condition can also help.

Remember, sex is never like it is the movies. We make noises, we sweat, and sometimes, despite all our very best efforts, things don't work out so great. But when it comes to size, shape, smells and sounds, you are not alone. Throw your inhibitions and anxieties to the wind, embrace the embarrassing, and get into some of the best sex of your life.