Top Tips for First Time Sex

Contributed by Brent Turnbull, Lavalife

Oh boy. You're pretty sure tonight's the night you're going make sweet love, and you're psyched. It's the first time with your new flame, so you want to impress.

Maybe you'll try out Kama Sutra move #23 or some erotic thoughts from Anaïs Nin...Wait, is that too much too fast? Maybe it's better to play it cool and reserved. But you don't want to turn them off or come across as aloof. Not to worry. Sex with a new lover isn't as daunting as it seems if you follow a few basic rules.

Ommmm

Take a deep breath and exhale slowly. It's easy to get wound up about first-time sex with a new beau. Approaching it as a make-or-break event creates unnecessary pressure for you. This can make you even more nervous and adversely affect your performance (especially for men) and enjoyment. Let your tension go and relax. Remember: it's their first time with you, too, so you are likely not alone in your anxiety.

Delight Your Senses

Soothe your nerves by setting a romantic mood in the boudoir. Try appealing to all five senses. Ensure that you have your cleanest and most comfy sheets and cushions on the bed to titillate touch. Give the room a romantic glow with low lighting and candlelight (this highly flattering light has the additional benefit of making you both more comfortable about shedding layers and hiding the turkey-shaped birthmark on your butt). Appeal to the sense of smell by wiping light bulbs with essential oils or lightly dusting the sheets with a fragrant powder. Appease the ears with some romantic tunes. For a tasty treat have a bowl of juicy strawberries that you can enjoy before, during or after your rendezvous.

Clean Up

It seems obvious, but don't cut back on you-time. Shower, shave, wax, clip, moisturize, powder and brush anything that needs it. This kind of prepping shows respect for the other person and makes sex more enjoyable for you both. And it helps boost confidence. Guys, even if you shave in the morning, shave again before the date: even a trace of stubble can feel like sandpaper on her sensitive bits.

Take it Slow

Don't be tempted to rush into the main event. Slow down and let yourselves explore each other. You are literally mapping out your new partner's body and they will be very forgiving of your trial and error (especially if you talk about it as you go). Don't be afraid to ask how they like to be pleasured; after all, everyone finds pleasure in unique ways. And try to keep it simple the first time. Unless you already know for sure that your partner is into Japanese rope bondage, it's best to wait until later to pull out the climbing ropes. You'll have plenty of time to explore kinkier, more exotic sex later. Right now, just enjoy the discovery.

Laugh All the Way to the Climax

Don't take yourselves too seriously. Sex should be fun. It's normal for the first time to be a little awkward: you'll need time to adjust to each other's styles, so there will likely be nose bonking and sheet entanglements and slipping from places you shouldn't slip. Looking into each other's eyes and laughing will make these accidents seem minor and bring you closer together. Laughter also fights the tension that we know can lead to nervousness (and the dreaded droopiness).

No Performance Reviews

Resist the urge to ask how you did afterwards. If you talked about pleasure spots and preferences while in the act, you shouldn't need to probe further. It makes you seem needy and insecure and may put your lover in a difficult spot. Great sex often doesn't happen the first time with someone new, so instead of worrying about how it went, trust that practice (hopefully LOTS of it) will make perfect and enjoy your newfound intimacy together.