The Dish on Fetishes

Contributed by Ambrose Diaz, Lavalife

Upon hearing the word fetish, some people might leap to conclusions that they are disgusting or untamed vices.

These conclusions might be grounded in prudishness or sexual conservatism, but for the most part they are just the result of a lack of knowledge. So, let's shed some light on the subject shall we?

Background

Dictionary.com defines a fetish as "an object of unreasonably excessive attention or reverence." It also calls it, "something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification."

Online encyclopedia Wikipedia goes one further, allowing for spiritual and religious connotations. "Sexual fetishism, first described as such by Alfred Binet in his Le fétichisme dans l'amour, though the concept and certainly the activity is quite ancient, is a form of paraphilia where the object of affection is a specific inanimate object or part of a person's body. The term arose from fetishism, the general concept of an object having supernatural powers, or an object created by humans that has power over other humans."

While experts believe that fetishes (sometimes referred to as kinks) are formed through a rather complex mix of environment and genetic makeup, most people with fetishes will be able to tell you how they think their own fetishes were formed. It usually happens in childhood and can be influenced by anything ranging from TV shows, movies, family relations, and a whole host of seemingly innocuous external influences.

Let's get one thing straight right away: fetishes are not dirty or wrong. They are simply ways in which we express ourselves sexually. One thing that I've noticed in my research for this article is that the people who populate the communities that are built around fetishes are generally the kindest, most accepting, least judgmental folks you will ever meet. In fact, I found myself wishing I had a balloon-popping fetish, just so I could hang out with the lovely folks on one of their online forums.

No matter what the fetish is (and there are hundreds, if not thousands), chances are that there are a few other people in the world who share it. I often praise the Internet as a powerful tool for self-expression and a great way to shop while smoking and wearing my pajamas, but its real success story is in bringing together people who have felt marginalized or thought that they were the only person in the world who had a 'strange' sexual desire. If you've got a thing for robots, stuffed toys, overfed humans, balloons, latex masks, or being squished by a 30-foot-tall woman, there's a place for you my friend, on the magical interweb.

The Rules of Engagement

Katharine Gates, author of the wildly engaging and informative book, Deviant Desires, and host of the web site of the same name, refutes some detractors who might believe that fetishes should be pushed back into darkness with the Deviant Desires Manifesto which states that while all sexual fantasies are acceptable, acting them out must be governed by a set of rules that make them "safe, sane, and consensual."

Gates goes on to say that if everyone concerned "1) knows the safety limitations to their acts and observes them to the best of their abilities, 2) recognizes the difference between fantasy and reality, and 3) is able to give their fully informed consent to every aspect of play, then it's AOK by us. (Children and people with severe chemical or mental impairment are not able to give proper informed consent and therefore must not be involved in sexual acts.)"

The Fetish Continuum

OK -- so, I get kinda turned on by leather, but I don't think I have a leather fetish. Where's the line here? Gates explains it this way: "Fetishism exists on a continuum of extremes. Yes, some hard-core leather fetishists can't get off without leather... Others, on the other hand, have a much milder relationship to their fetish. They find that leather adds a powerful emotional, sensual or psychological punch to their [otherwise relatively ordinary] sex life."

And The Number 1 Fetish is...

This probably won't come as a surprise to you but the foot or leg is the most common fetish. A simple Google search for the words "foot fetish" yields over four millions hits in 0.04 seconds. And the categories and sub-categories available are insanely granular, from simple man-on-woman foot worship to esoteric role-playing. Heck, Leg Show Magazine (I like a magazine title that tells you exactly what you're going see) has a circulation of 200,000 copies per edition.

Apparently, the foot fetish is hard-wired into our DNA. The feet give off the same sexual scent as breasts and genitals and it is thought that the odor left by feet was a territorial sexual marker for our ancestors. The foot fetish is also very popular because it is closely related to so many other sub-fetishes such as shoes, high heels, pantyhose, crushing, kicking, etc. Now, you can combine popping a balloon with a foot in a high heel shoe while in the shower and you've got at least six fetishes at work in one instant. Welcome to the complex, but incredibly interesting world of fetishes.