Sexual Misadventures

Contributed by Sarah Fielding, Lavalife

It's a beautiful thing but sometimes sex can be dangerous, embarrassing and even painful.

According to a recent survey by UK adult retailer Ann Summers, sex can be a real pain in the butt, literally, with one in three people surveyed admitting to having injured themselves while having sex.

The most common injuries reported were: carpet burns, twisted wrist, twisted ankle, bruised bottom, grazed elbows, scratched backs, bruised heads, and broken bones. And as battered and broken lovers will attest, sustaining an injury when getting intimate is a lot easier than you'd think.

Magic Carpet

When getting down and dirty on the carpet, make an effort to protect visible body parts from carpet burn.

Try explaining to your workmates why you have a nasty looking burn mark on your head. Yes, that's right, I got a carpet burn in the centre of my forehead from doing it doggy-style on the lounge room floor -- Julie *

Cover your Tracks

When indulging in an illicit affair, don't let your partner in crime leave his or her mark on you.

I went to an S and M club one night, got a bit carried away and hooked up with this crazy chick. We had sex in the toilets and she dug her nails into my back really hard. I didn't realize how bad the scratches were... until my girlfriend pointed them out the next day -- Warren

The Deepest Heat

When getting creative with personal lubricant, don't use heat-producing medicated sports rubs as a substitute.

I'd hooked up with this kinda kinky guy, and he suggested we heat things up by using Tiger Balm mixed with lube. When it heated up the stuff burned so much we spent the rest of the night trying to get it off us! -- Kirsty

Drunk and Disorderly

When intoxicated do not mistake yourself for an Olympic athlete, circus performer or porn star.

Having drunk sex gave me a black eye. I was with this hot girl and I was feeling pretty cocky. I leapt onto the bed, misjudged the distance and slammed by eye into the corner of the bedside table. It hurt, but I didn't notice how black it was until the morning -- Sam

No Bones About It

When trying a new position, remember, the arm bone's connected to the, wrist bone. etc.

I was trying a reverse cowboy move on my new man. Things were going well until I decided to swivel around to face him. I lost my balance and put all my weight on my right hand. And broke my wrist -- Donna

Say Ahhh!

When receiving a blowjob, remember that sudden movements or loud sounds may startle.

My girlfriend was giving me a blowjob and I moved by hand trying to get comfortable. I accidentally gouged her in the eye, which made her bite down really hard on my dick. No fun for either of us -- Scott

Not So Much Painful, but a Real Pain

Sometimes (hopefully) your sexual escapades might not result in any physical injuries. But injuries to your pride and self-esteem can hurt just as much, as you can see...

Doggy-style

When embarking on a night of loud and raunchy sex, ensure unwanted visitors do not disturb you.

One night we were really going for it making quite a bit of noise when her dog wandered into the room and sat beside the bed. He started howling and yelping really loud and didn't stop until we did. If we didn't wake the neighbors, the damn dog certainly did -- Carlo

Who's Who

When hooking up with someone you think you recognize, it always pays to confirm exactly who he or she is first.

I picked this guy up one night, and had a funny feeling I'd met him before, but didn't think anything of it. Later, after some pretty average sex, it dawned on me. He lived down the hall from me in the same apartment building -- Helen

There She Blows

When engaging in oral sex with flexible but flatulent women, beware the prevailing head winds.

I was giving my girlfriend head and lifted her legs up and pushed them right back, holding them there with one hand. She was wriggling around and then the next thing I knew she let off this huge fart right in my face -- Jason

* Names have been changed to protect the humiliated.