One, Two, Threesome

Contributed by Ambrose Diaz, Lavalife

Most couples have considered, if not talked about, having a threesome. It can be an extremely exciting experience -- or it can lead to utter catastrophe.

No matter how gung-ho you and your partner are about getting into a three-way, there are a few things you should consider before you invite that lucky third person into your bed.

The Couple

Most experts will tell you that if there are any hidden resentments between you and your partner or if you're not on solid ground within your relationship, a threesome will quickly highlight these troubles and force some bitter feelings and arguments to the forefront.

One thing is for sure: a threesome is NOT going to fix a rocky relationship. So, make sure that you both want this. It's a good idea to let your partner know that calling it off is always an option that (s)he can use at any time -- even during the act itself. If your partner isn't into it, then be respectful and don't force the idea. It'll do more harm than good.

The Third Person

So, who do you ask and how do you ask them? There are no rules on who you should pick, except that you and your partner must both agree on the person you invite into your bed.

Asking the third person can be a bit tricky. Online, Lavalife is a great place to screen for the right person. However, out in the world, it's usually better for a woman to ask a female candidate and for a man to ask a male candidate. That way, the candidate knows that there is no "cheating" going on. Whoever does the asking should make it clear that both you and your partner want this.

The Rules

OK... here's where all that communication you and your partner are so good at will come in handy. Before doing the deed, you have to be able to talk openly and candidly about what you do and do not want to happen during the threesome:

* Will it be a no-holds-barred screw-fest where everything goes? * Will there be kissing on the mouth with the third? * Will there be penetration with the third?

Those are the kinds of questions you need to answer with your partner. Once you've figured it out, let the third person in. They should respect your rules. After all, they're playing on your turf.

It can get very hot and heavy very fast during a threesome, but make sure that you stick to the rules you've drawn up. For instance, don't penetrate if you're not supposed to just because you're all revved up. Show your partner the respect that (s)he deserves.

Remember, some heavy emotions are at play here. It is extremely easy for feelings of jealousy, inadequacy and resentment to rise to the surface.

Here's a helpful hint: even if you've both decided that something like kissing is OK beforehand -- it never hurts to ask your partner if it's OK during the act. It'll feel empowering to them and it will let you know that everything is cool.

The Act

A threesome is not just sex with an extra person. The whole rhythm of it is completely different. You'll find that it happens more as a "cycle" rather than the "back and forth" of regular sex. The trick is to relax and enjoy it if the other two people are more engaged than you at a particular moment. During a three-way, the focus tends to gradually shift from person to person.

The Aftermath

This may sound harsh but once you've done it and everyone is satisfied and you've laid around for a while, get the third person out of the house. You're not building an emotional relationship with them, so having them sleep in the same bed as you and your partner is a big no-no.

Also, let your partner know how much you enjoyed seeing them turned on. Basically, allow them to see that they are your first priority and that while the act of the threesome is tons of fun, there's no one else for you but them.

And hey! Let's be careful out there...