Inside the World of a Sex Addict

Contributed by Sarah Fielding, Lavalife

It's a term often casually bandied about by the media, but what is sexual addiction?

Sexual addiction is an umbrella term for a range of sexual behaviors that, according to sex therapist/author Patrick Carnes, "interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones and one's work environment."

Hi, I'm John, and I'm a Sex Addict

The actual number of those suffering from sex-based addictions is difficult to determine, due to the secretive nature of the addiction. However, the National Council on Sexual Addiction Compulsivity in the U.S. estimated that six to eight per cent of Americans (or 18 million to 24 million people) are sex addicts. By contrast, the number in Australia, according to a Today Tonight news report in 2005, could be as high as one million.

Sex-based addictions can manifest as obsessive thoughts about sex, an insatiable sex drive (though this should not be confused with a high sex drive), compulsive masturbation and an addiction to viewing porn.

Sex and Drugs and...

Psychologists believe that sex addicts, like drug addicts, crave the process of satisfaction as much, if not more, than the end result. Dopamine, a powerful neurotransmitter produced by the brain when the body is experiencing pleasure, is what sustains the sex addict. The effects of dopamine on the body are similar to that of illicit, mood-enhancing drugs such as cocaine.

So the term 'sex addict' is no exaggeration, the brain of the affected person craves the body's organically produced sexual chemicals like a drug addict craves their next fix. The sex addict will often create complex rituals to meet their ends, in much the same way as drug addicts become compulsive about their drug culture and paraphernalia.

"I wasn't in a great place," says Barb, who sought treatment for alcohol and sexual dependencies. "I'd get out of it and then end up going home with a stranger, and the next day, would have little memory of the whole thing." After Barb contracted as STD from one such encounter, a friend suggested she seek counseling to try to uncover the reasons she was acting out. After seeking professional help, Barb began a 12-step program to address her addictions.

Sexual addiction coupled with drug addiction is a powerfully destructive combination and one that requires expert advice and counseling.

The Sex Addict at Work

Tony, 35, a self-confessed sex addict, admits to masturbating at work, up to five times a day. "I couldn't stop," says the call centre supervisor, admitting that he could not resist the urge to masturbate. "I didn't want sex with my girlfriend, it didn't satisfy me the way this did." Tony eventually sought the help of a sex therapist, but not until his relationship had deteriorated to the point where his girlfriend left him.

Sex Addicts We Know The world of entertainment has taken an interest in sexual addiction of late, with TV characters and even features films focusing on this issue. In the cosmetic surgery drama series Nip/Tuck, Christian Troy epitomizes the reckless behavior of a sex addict in full swing. And if you take a trip down Wisteria Lane, you'll find reformed sex addict Peter McMillian ensconced in the daily lives of those Desperate Housewives. Tabloids and celebrity mags around the globe shift millions of copies of their publications on the mere whiff of a celebrity confessing to a sexual addiction. It's all riveting, salacious stuff.

But sexual addiction is not something that should be trivialized for the sake of creating good entertainment. Left untreated, sexual addiction, like dependencies on drugs, alcohol and gambling, can ruin people's lives.

The Warning Signs

Sexual addiction is not the same as having a high sex drive or broad-minded sexual pursuits. Sex Addicts Anonymous has identified some of the most common signs associated with sexual addiction:

Do you keep secrets about your sexual activities, particularly from those you care about?

• Do you find yourself having sex with people, or in places you would not normally?
• Do you seek out sexually arousing material in movies, newspapers, or online?
• Do you prefer sexual fantasies to actual physical acts with someone you love?
• Do you feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?
• Do you find becoming aroused requires more variety than before?
• Do you lean towards dangerous or illegal activities in the pursuit of sexual satisfaction?
• Do you engage in unsafe sexual practices that have resulted in sexually transmitted disease, unplanned pregnancy or abuse?
• Does your sexual behavior leave you feeling depressed or isolated?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, perhaps it's time to call in the experts. To find out about support services in your area, visit Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous at www.slaafws.org or Sexaholics Anonymous at http://www.sa.org/.