I, Male Orgasm Faker

Contributed by Ambrose Diaz, Lavalife

Something unbelievable happened to me a little while ago. I was having sex with a woman (no, that's not the unbelievable part) and I found myself wanting it to be over with. So, what did I do?

For the first time in my life, I faked an orgasm.

That's right, ladies, it's not just your turf. Men do it too.

Here's the deal. The woman I was with was sexy and nice and all that stuff, but there really wasn't an emotional connection and I already had the feeling that there wasn't going to be much of a future there. We'd only been out a few times, so I didn't know her all that well and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Perhaps in the past, had I been with a girlfriend, I would have been honest and just said that it wasn't my night, but this time, I shocked and surprised myself by pretending to climax. You know... making the sound, giving a little shudder, collapsing on the bed beside her, and lighting up a cigarette.

I thought about my little fakery for days after. It kept nagging at me, like I'd done something wrong. So, when I had the opportunity to go out with some of my guy friends, I brought the subject up... the way guys do... "Pass the chicken wings, oh yeah, hey, last week I faked an orgasm for the first time in my life." The reaction was quite surprising. Of the six guys there, only one had not faked an orgasm in his life.

That's not a scientific survey by any means, but it was pretty eye-opening. I've known these guys for years. We're as close as can be. We talk about everything, so why had this conversation never come up before?

Let's back up a little. Here are some of the reasons the guys gave me for faking it: they were tired, they just wanted to be done, they thought they were going to lose their erection, they just weren't into sex that night. And yes, two of them said that they did it all the time. Most of us faked with the use of a condom, but a couple 'fessed up to faking without a rubber and just told their partners that they didn't ejaculate very much.

So, back to my question: why is it such a dirty little secret? I didn't get any answers from the guys on that one - they just kinda shrugged their shoulders and started talking about hockey.

With the study group over, I decided to do a little research and look the subject up. Not surprisingly, there's barely anything written on the topic and the studies that do exist are largely unscientific. But here's what I found: yes -- men are able to fake orgasms. Great, I knew that already.

A poll of 1,800 people by British television station, ITV, concluded that in the 18 to 34 age group, 42 per cent of men have acted their way through a pretend orgasm. While that's still not as high as the 58 per cent of women the poll suggests have faked it, it's still comparable.

So, with those figures under my belt, I went to a good female friend to see what her reaction to my first fake would be. I was thinking she would say something like "Hey buddy -- I feel your pain." Instead, she said, "I can't believe you! I'm never going to sleep with you again!" (Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, we sleep together every now and again, for... well... maintenance).

But here's the thing: I know for a fact she's faked orgasms because she's told me about it many times. So, now we're saddled with a stigma in discussing men faking orgasms, coupled with a double-standard when mentioning it to a woman. So much for Dr. Phil and his steady diet of open and honest communication. That'd be fine if you're in a committed relationship, but not many people are going to risk rocking the boat when that's not the case.

Maybe we can all learn something here. Ladies, the next time you think of a man as a sexually insatiable animal, think again. Your perception might be out of whack. And guys, whatever you do, don't ever mention faking an orgasm to anyone... ever!

Of course, I'm kidding about that... sort of. But perhaps there's some common ground we can both get on. Most guys know that women fake it from time to time. So, why can't men have the same safety net without feeling like they're doing something wrong? Ladies, care to answer that one for me?