How to Come Together

Contributed by Sarah Fielding, Lavalife

If you thought come together was just a song by the Beatles, have we got news for you. Welcome to the world of mind-meltingly good simultaneous orgasms.

Back to Basics

While some people can effortlessly match their partner when it comes to coming, for most of us, the simultaneous orgasm is a learned art. In order to come together, you first need to learn how to come separately. For the majority of women, orgasms are most frequently achieved by clitoral stimulation, either manually or orally. Once climaxing through clitoral stimulation has been mastered, women are better equipped for their journey into the realm of the simultaneous orgasm.

Timing is Everything

Typically, women take longer to get warmed up than men, so if you're aiming to make it together, spend some time ensuring that she's well aroused. Likewise, men need to be the master of their own domain. He needs to be able to control his own arousal and fend off a fast-approaching orgasm to allow his partner to get up to speed. All this hand-eye coordination requires practice, so don't be discouraged if it takes you a while to, er, grasp this technique.

"Stopping yourself coming takes concentration -- you know that good feeling is just on the horizon and you know you want it, but you also know that holding off even just for a few seconds might mean you can come together. If you can pull it off, it's an awesome feeling," says Pete.

The Perfect Position

Women who orgasm through clitoral stimulation should opt for a sexual position that allows the clitoris to be stimulated during intercourse. For some women, indirect stimulation -- such as your partner's pubic bone grinding against your vulva -- can be enough. One position that provides this kind of contact and stimulation is the coital alignment technique (CAT).

Doing the CAT

A delicious variation of the Missionary position, the CAT allows for rhythmic clitoral stimulation during intercourse, which most agree is essential to mutual orgasms. Here's how: The man rests his full weight on the woman, who is comfortably positioned on her back. Both his and her pelvis must be aligned and the base of his penis should be positioned to come in contact with her clitoris. The woman then wraps her legs around the man's and the pair then gently rock against each other. The aim is to continue a steady rhythm rather than speeding up as orgasm approaches. Try it and see for yourself.

A Top Position

A woman-on-top facing forward position also allows for easy access to the clitoris which can be manually stimulated by a dexterous lover -- or the woman herself -- while she rides. "I once dated this guy who was an absolute expert at getting me to come when he did. It only worked when I was on top, and he would rub my clit with his fingers. He could orchestrate the whole timing thing so that he worked me faster as he got closer. It worked every time," says Chloe.

Use your Muscle

Women with expertly toned pelvic floor muscles also tend to be more skilled at orchestrating a simultaneous orgasm. These ladies have a good grip on what's required to take them over the edge -- and their partner with them. Controlling the clench and release of pelvis floor muscles during intercourse allows the woman to rhythmically stimulate her partner in time with her own arousal. With practice, a woman can literally draw an orgasm out of a lover -- timing it perfectly with her own climax.

Tell it Like It Is

If a simultaneous orgasm is what you crave, now is not the time to be shy. "It's no good telling your partner you're coming when you actually are. You need to give time to catch up if you want to come together," says Jessica, who recommends a mutual masturbation session as a good way of understanding your partner's orgasm timeline.

You'll need to keep your communication channels waaay open and let your partner know exactly how you're feeling and how you're progressing on your own personal path to climaxing. This too takes practice, and you may feel self-conscious voicing these inner most thoughts at first. But in time you and your partner will be able to sense each other's approaching orgasm and do what's necessary to speed things up or slow things down, to ensure a mutually satisfying conclusion.