Amazing Oral for Her

Contributed by Lola Augustine Brown, Lavalife

Men who know how to go south with style are a rare breed, but thankfully dedicated pupils can master the fine art of giving head.

Sexologist Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, believes that every man has it in him to go down like a pro. Here's how.

First things first, forget everything you learned from watching porn, because it just doesn't work in the real world. "Guys who get all their techniques from porn and go after clits like a cobra after a mongoose are not going to give great head," says Kerner, noting that ignoring porn also extends to your actions when receiving oral sex. "Don't use her mouth like a vagina. Slapping her in the face with your penis and coming all over her face is disrespectful and rarely a turn-on for her," he says.

Also, forget all those tried and tested techniques of urban legend -- such as working your way through the alphabet with your tongue hoping she'll come off before you reach Z. If you work to a formula, it will be obvious and you'll have your lady yawning rather than moaning with pleasure at your tongue's high standard of literacy.

Kerner suggests getting her stimulated before going down by kissing and caressing the rest of her before getting between her thighs. When you finally get your tongue to her sweet spot, go slow. "Start off tentatively, and if you're not sure what to do let the woman move herself against your tongue and take the lead. Having a firm, still, flat tongue and letting her press against it can be really effective," says Kerner.

Touch the rest of her as you lap at her pussy; stroke her breasts, her ass, whatever you can reach. Ask her what she likes. Every woman is different, so while some might like it rough, for others a gentle start-up will pave the road to a killer orgasm.

"Remember that the tongue is not a mini-penis. Focus on stimulation rather than penetration and realize that all of the nerve endings that contribute to orgasm are right there situated in the surface of the vulva," says Kerner. Try humming or gently blowing on her clit to send those nerve endings into a frenzy.

One woman Kerner knows described her lover's attempts at oral sex as being akin to the running of the bulls in Spain, a mad stampede for her clit that made her just want to jump out of the way. "The majority of complaints from women are about men who think they know what they are doing but really don't and are way too rough or men who seem to go down less than enthusiastically and women get the feeling that they're impatient or they're not enjoying it," he says.

The other side of the coin is that men feel so pressured to be good lovers that they develop a kind of performance anxiety, which puts them off actually trying to get a girl off with their tongues. These men are usually way too shy to ask a woman how she likes it, which is a shame because plenty of gals know exactly how they like to be licked and sucked and would happily offer direction.

"These men become so anxious that they avoid the act all together," says Kerner. Being anti-oral is a very sad way to be, not just for the hung-up guy's sex partner but also for the guy in question. There's a lot of pleasure in being able to bestow mind-blowing orgasms, and a happy lady friend is much more likely to return the favor with true dedication.

The key is to just bury yourself in her pussy and let yourself go. Don't rush, give her as long as it takes to get her off. Don't think of it as a trade-off to get blown. "Men think blow-jobs are par for the course but going down on her is something special," says Kerner. "Guys need to get out of that mindset to be great lovers."

So don't just save it for her birthday. Make oral action a part of your regular sex life to reap the benefits of mutual satisfaction.