5 Signs They're Faking It

Contributed by Kelly Jones, Lavalife

In the quest for climax, some days you get there, and other days... not so much. What's a girl or guy to do?

Your partner is all hot and heavy and looking for you to show that this experience is as incredible for them as it is for you.

So you bust out a few moans, some oohs and a couple of aahs, and you fake it. It's more common than you think. According to an online poll conducted by Queendom.com, 70 per cent of women and 25 per cent of men admitted to faking orgasm. How can you tell if they're simulatin' stimulation? Read on, dear reader, and find out.

The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You

When a woman has an orgasm, she experiences rhythmic muscle contractions in the outer third of the vagina and also the anus. The first few clenches are the strongest, kicking in every few seconds. If you don't feel that rhythmic gripping on your penis like Maria Sharapova on a racquet handle, she's not nearly as ecstatic as she seems to be.

Men experience a similar climax. Testes contract close to the body below a strong erection, the pelvic muscles contract, and semen will shoot from the end of the penis. It's true that some men do not ejaculate with orgasm (or ejaculate very little), but in the absence of all the other physical signs, they are likely just pretending. As an aside, if you've used a condom and the guy moves quickly to dispose of it afterwards, he may be trying to hide the fact that the rubber was empty.

The Oscar

If your partner moans and screams or begs for mercy in a manner that is excessive even for their most expressive moments, they're probably putting on an Academy Award-nominated performance for your benefit. Your Spidey Sense should tell you if their animalistic actions are really in line with your horizontal hustling.

The Robot

At the other end of the spectrum is the I-can't-wait-until-this-is-over performance, marked by mechanical moaning and half-hearted "Oh yeses!" If you feel like you're in bed with C-3P0, you're probably on the receiving end of a phony O, "Oh, Master Luke."

Every Breath You Take

During sex, breathing becomes deep and heavy, and the chest, neck and cheeks become pink and flush as the body's blood pressure rises. If your lover is breathing normally and doesn't appear flushed, they're probably trying to spare your feelings with a fake. Now, some pro pretenders may know enough to deepen their breathing and increase its pace, but it should take several minutes for the blood pressure and respiratory system to return to a resting state. So you'll often catch this fake by watching their breathing drop back to normal almost immediately after experiencing their O.

The Aftermath

If a woman goes from screaming her lungs out to suddenly wanting to clean out the fridge or organize her pantyhose drawer, you've likely been duped. Women who've experienced an orgasm should be in a state of bliss for at least a few minutes. Their voice should be soft and sexy, and many may want to nuzzle, cuddle and kiss.

A similar post-bonking reaction happens to men. If your man jumps up after orgasm, you know something is fishy. After climaxing, men feel entirely knackered; so they likely won't want to do anything but drift off into la-la land. Anything more than that and you have been had (again!).